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Blog
We All Have Pain
| Posted on August 24, 2014 at 11:31 AM |
Title: We All Have Pain, It's How We
Handle It that Defines Us. I was speaking with a client this week,
about the statement, " We've all suffered, had trauma and
losses. It's how we handle them that defines us." I'm not sure who said that, but they made
a good point. How
do we choose to handle the pain, loss and trauma in our lives? These
things are part of life. How we learn to cope with them will shape our
experience. I so often see people causing themselves
more pain and/or becoming hopeless simply by choosing to cope
with difficult circumstances, in a reactive, short-sighted way. When we are hurting, we have a tendency to
be reactive We may lash out or grasp at whatever gives us immediate
gratification, a short-lived feeling of happiness. Unfortunately, these types of coping
mechanisms usually include pleasure inducing activities like drug or alcohol
use/abuse, indiscriminant sexual activity, gambling, uncontrolled shopping,
even over-the-top people pleasing. These are behaviours that feed our ego. They
will give us some sense of immediate pleasure, but it’s fleeting and often
comes with great cost or negative after effects. We do need to do something to soothe and
restore ourselves when we’ve been hurt, or experienced a loss or trauma. But
despite what our instant gratification, ‘take a pill and make it all go away’
promoting society says, we need to make the effort to find or create the coping
strategy that feeds our soul, not our ego. By this I mean something, that helps you
feel more whole; expresses who you are; giving you a lasting feeling of
contentment, not just a fleeting moment of pleasure. This involves exercising another part of
ourselves that our society does not encourage; our creative side. We are creative beings. We need to create,
to learn about ourselves; to express ourselves to ourselves and others. Our
society tends to teach that if your creative interest cannot be used to make money or build status,
it’s a meaningless and useless pursuit. But in fact, even if you’re not the next
Keith Urban, Katie Perry, Picasso or Crosby, you have a creative spirit that
needs to be expressed for you to feel whole. If it makes you feel fulfilled,
then do it! It doesn’t have to be expensive. Maybe it’s
just making time to walk in the woods and take a few photographs, plant a garden, take a painting or potting
class, volunteer for a cause you love, return to a hobby you loved as a child
or learn one you’ve always been curious about. It
takes a little more effort and thought than just having the waiter bring you
another drink, but it will be worth it. It
will open new windows to your inner self and to a new view of the world and
your place in it. It
will soothe you and fulfill you in a long-lasting way that a new pair of shoes or
even a new car cannot. Try
it and discover how wonderful and happy you can really be. |
Categories: Counseling, Psychotherapy, mental health, Positive Personal Change
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